Shyness

Shyness is an old feeling for me.

Bashful, quiet, inhibited, reserved, reticient - it goes by many other names but is essentially the same thing.

It manifests as a feeling of 'otherness', of feeling out-of-place, of not being able to be fully at ease and show yourself as you are (i.e. wanting to disappear or maybe transmogrify into a fly on the wall), of holding back because you are afraid you might get hurt.

It is a feeling of fear which holds you back, and you are not able to interact naturally and put in your two cents worth.

It is that feeling of being 'under pressure' while in social situations - in which you feel unpleasantly overstimulated - so you react by doing your best to exit that situation and hence get relief.

It is that tendency of getting negative feedback from social interactions (mostly self-created as I understand it, none may been intended from the other person), hence leading to the tendency to withdraw. There is a sensitivity to criticism, real and perceived.

You can't enjoy the company of others because you are too worried about how you come across.

Of course, there are different degrees of shyness and different reasons why people may feel shy. Shyness may only be situational - certain scenarios trigger it. It may be something quite universal as well, in that we all have experienced it in at some point in our lives. It only gets tough when you feel shy often, and in many situations.

However, no person is an island, we all need other people.
I keep fighting it, as all shy people keep fighting it.

I have found that with maturity, however, shyness has become more situational and is not as all-consuming as it once was. I've also realised that there is joy in the company of others and also, I don't always want to be so alone. Also, oftentimes when I've fought off that shy feeling in order to muck in with others, I find that I am enjoying myself during that event, that party, that gathering.

I am not entirely certain that one 'grows out' of being shy and can entirely leave that behind - I think shy children become shy adults, it's just that with maturity one's functionality increases as one challenges oneself more, and also learns that the shy feeling is often worse than the situation itself.

There is a flip side to everything, and in my opinion, shyness is not all bad, it can be a strength in certain respects - it tends to lead to the development of certain strengths as well as sensitivities that can be appreciable socially:

1) You know how bad you can feel so you take others' feelings seriously - you are gentle with others.

2) Speaking is not your natural strength but writing can be - this is certainly the case for me. I am not necessarily the best talker but my strength is definitely in writing - especially when it comes from a quiet place whereby I can gather and organise my thoughts to best bring about what I mean.

3) Related to point 1 and 2, because you like to support people and because you don't necessarily like to be constantly talking, you make for an excellent listener. You can also be a good observer - you listen and you learn.

4) Because you tend not to mix as readily with other people, you learn how to rely on yourself and as a result tend to be very independent, which is an advantage in new situations.

5) Because you tend to be a late starter, and because by nature you seek quality rather than quantity - you take a lot of stock and seek depth and meaning in friendships and relationships.

6) In my opinion shyness can be somewhat correlated to an intensity of experiencing the world - this intensity is harnessed and best expressed in the arts - don't they say writers are depressed and artists are tortured? Emotional intensity leads to interesting stuff. Sometimes you feel so much that you just have to express yourself.

Fight on, shy people ;)